I think way too much at this time

I’m actually terrified of my future. Of all the possibilities that are ahead of me right now. I’m so scare to fail. Just like I did in high school. I don’t want to become a failure. I don’t want to stay with one occupation for the rest of my life either it seems utterly ridiculous to commit to one thing for so long when there are so many other great opportunities. Maybe I have commitment issues. Oh god.

I want to be happy, and I want to be happy with you. I am happy with you. But I have so many fears and questions and worries that it is keeping me from that. And I don’t want to question all of this but I think it’s just that time in my life. I’m at a period where a relationship becomes questionable for most, almost all because they are going to college or leaving for this job or whatever. And then there is us. Where I don’t have the choice of being near you at the moment and I don’t have to worry about us going in separate directions because we already are. We’re already in different times of our life, you have one year of college left, and me well I’m starting to question if I even want to stay in college or if my plan for college is really what I want to do. Is that fair? To tell someone well if you go to college for this well your going to be doing this for the rest of your life. What if I don’t want to do just one thing for the rest of my life? What if I want to be a doctor and a writer and a lawyer all in my life time? Then what? And I’m questioning all this, and you well you Joseph have it all figured out. Because that’s who you are. The guy that has a plan, who always has it figured all the time. And I’m not use to that nor am I sure that I can handle that. It’s not a bad thing it’s probably actually the best thing for me, I can tend to be all over the place and you well you’re so perfectly stable. And I’m just sitting here complaining about it. I’m complaining that you’re too perfect for me. God what the fuck is wrong with me?